Dream On
by Funky In Fishnet
Summary: Sam struggles after Gabriel's demise, with his feelings for the archangel as well as grief. But death isn't the end and Sam's dreams are full of a talkative tactile Gabriel who claims to not be a dream at all and to be working on a way back.


_**Disclaimer:**__ I own nothing._

_**Author Notes**__: Post 5x19. AU from then on. Enjoy :)_

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**DREAM ON**

Castiel had almost finished healing when Gabriel appeared. It was somewhere neat salt flats that Castiel could taste on his tongue and a cool breeze that was like breath against his skin. There was no one else around, until Gabriel showed up. He was clearly in a rush. There was something different about him, which Castiel was slow to recognise.

He threw Castiel a DVD case. It was red and blue with an undressed woman on the front. Castiel was sure he had seen Dean with similar items. His frown deepened.

"Guard this with your life, bro," Gabriel told him, before giving him a quick once-over. "Hmm, well, whatever's left of it."

Castiel glared and got shakily to his feet. He needed sleep. He was not much of an angel any more.

Gabriel grinned, though it was dim around the edges. "I've got plans to make. I mean it, don't lose that. Got it?"

With a final slap to Castiel's shoulder, Gabriel disappeared. Castiel looked down at the DVD in confusion. Desperation and determination. That was what Gabriel had been wearing.

All Sam had been able to hear since the motel was white noise. Dean had said nothing, just kicked the Impala into high-gear without even pausing to jam a cassette into the stereo. Silence. That was how serious this was.

They'd left Gabriel behind. He was going to die for them. He'd been ready for it, to face up to his brother. It still felt wrong. It still felt painful.

Kali had stayed with them. After looking out of the window for some time, she had started staring at Sam. Her expression was so full of sadness and pained beauty that it was difficult to look at.

Still no sound.

_I grieve for who he was. _The words uncurled in Sam's mind; the voice was Kali with a deep bottomless undertone that spoke volumes about the sheer thundering power contained in her slim human vessel. It made Sam's teeth rattle. _You forget, Samuel Winchester, what death truly means._

Sam closed his eyes. Death. He really didn't want to think about that right now. But this was Kali, Goddess of Eternal Energy. Death was literally her life. The only time she probably interacted with the living was with her worshippers. It made him wonder what Gabriel had been really like when he was masquerading as a Trickster, worshipped and revered in so many different cultures.

_What does it mean?_

_It is merely a doorway. A beginning as much as an end._

Memories flashed bright and hard inside Sam's skull, with breathless impossibility. Dean had been pulled out of Hell. Castiel had come back to life.

Then Kali nodded at Sam and Dean, and in a sudden fierce burn of flames that didn't damage the upholstery, vanished. The next thing Sam was aware of was Dean shaking his shoulder and calling his name, halfway between pissed-off and concerned. Sam blinked. The white noise was still there, but he could hear Dean now, like he was shouting from a really long distance away.

"You with me?"

Sam managed to nod; his neck feeling rusted and creaking. Disused. Like life had stopped and then passed him by. Out of reach. _Gabriel_. Sam swallowed that aching thought down to where Dean couldn't see it.

When they broke out Gabriel's ridiculous porn movie goodbye speech that confirmed, yes, he was dead, and even Dean looked almost sorry that the archangel was gone. Right when he'd decided to change sides, when they could really do with an angelic boost. The apocalypse was cruel. Life was crueller.

Sam left the DVD in his laptop. It felt too weird to just throw it away. Gabriel wasn't disposable. And if Sam watched it sometimes when Dean was out, yeah, maybe that was weird too.

It was like holding on when the person you were clinging to was already too far ahead to stay anyway.

* * *

Things got weirder when Gabriel started showing up in Sam's dreams.

He'd been getting strange lashes of headaches that got stronger the closer the apocalypse got. Not that he told Dean, because that was a lead-in to another argument about Sam giving in to Lucifer. The pain was always amplified when he slept. There was a lot of death in Sam's dreams – Jess, Mom, Dad, Bobby, Ellen, Jo, Castiel, Gabriel, Dean. And always there was Lucifer, reminding Sam that he could stop all of this from happening.

"Oh, please! A little more creativity!"

If Sam was awake, he was pretty sure he would have gotten whiplash from how fast he turned his head. Gabriel was standing by the door, wearing jeans that fit him well, and a battered green jacket that had definitely seen better days over a faded shirt. He looked really good.

Gabriel smiled a strikingly wide grin. It instinctively made Sam want to duck. Then Gabriel snapped his fingers, muttering something under his breath, and suddenly, Sam was in a comfortable motel room that he and Dean definitely couldn't afford.

"So….." Gabriel clapped his hands cheerfully. "You missed me, huh?"

Sam gaped. The pain in his head pounded hard and sharp. He began to reach out, heart racing, to check if Gabriel was solid in front of him, but then remembered, _dream_, so anything could feel real if he wanted it to.

"You're dead."

"And yet, I'm not. Well, I was…" Gabriel drew out the last word tantalisingly. "Hello? Archangel? Death isn't exactly permanent."

Sam stared, unable to find any reply, drinking Gabriel in, fighting the urge to just _hold on_. Headache. He sat down on the bed, suddenly desperately tired. He could feel the white noise at the edges of his hearing again. Gabriel was dead. He'd said so on the DVD. This was just some torturous way Sam's mind was dealing with it.

Sam swallowed, the ache of loss echoing hard inside him. This wasn't the first time he'd dreamed about Gabriel, not at all.

He was so screwed-up.

"Oh, Sammy," Gabriel's voice was suddenly soft. He sat down on the bed. "I'm not Jiminy Cricket here. It's me. Honest."

Gabriel waggled his eyebrows, like he knew how ridiculous those words were coming from him. Sam gave him a look.

"You're a Trickster, and you're dead."

"A truth is still a truth, Sammy, even if it comes from a dead man and a liar."

Sam could feel his headache growing. He had to close his eyes to deal with it. He started when cool fingers touched his face.

"Hmmm…..call me Dr Feel Good, but I'd say someone's trying to tell you something." There was concern in Gabriel's voice with the teasing.

The pain was getting unbearable. Sam knew from previous nights that he'd be awake soon if he was lucky. He suddenly grasped Gabriel's wrist. He could be some new trick of Lucifer's or a product of Sam's own tortured mind, but Sam was still stupidly glad to see him, to touch him, anything. It was embarrassing. His grip tightened.

"Gabriel….."

Gabriel smiled, hands cupping Sam's face. "Oh bucko, you were so worth coming back for."

Sam woke up, pain-free and with white noise still stirring in his mind. Dean was out, a note on his bed saying he'd gone for breakfast. Sam scrubbed sleep out of his eyes. He had slept, for a good eight hours for the first time since before Gabriel's death. If it had actually been a death at all. He'd been so _real_.

Even dead, Gabriel was making him question reality. Sam was pretty sure that somewhere Gabriel was laughing.

* * *

A doorway, Kali had told him. A doorway and a beginning, not just an end. Cryptic words that crept around Sam's brain and irritated him because he'd taken them apart and couldn't get inside. Sam had rewatched Gabriel's DVD a lot. There was a sort of pain in his chest, aching and wanting. Nothing like the one in his head.

There was still so much white noise in there. Like a radio that wasn't tuned right.

Dean was out drinking most nights or driving or both. Despite what he said, it was definitely caused by Castiel's absence. Dean was _worried_, which Sam found kind of hilarious smudged with grief and sadness. He was worried too. Cas was his friend. Maybe when they found out just where Cas had gone, Dean would actually tell the angel why he'd been so frantic. Or he'd completely repress it and pretend he was just annoyed that Cas hadn't been around to help them. He was ridiculously predictable.

Gabriel was there in his dreams the next night. With a cocktail in one hand and a candy bar in the other.

He sounded amused. "This is how you see me?"

Sam stared. If he'd gotten stuck in _The Twilight Zone _back when Gabriel had trapped them in TV hell, it probably would have felt a lot like this. They were standing in the first motel room that Sam remembered living in with Dad and Dean. It was still the faded image of what he first thought of when anybody talked about home.

"Not that I mind," Gabriel continued, slurping from the glass. "Hedonism is always a good look on me, don't you think?"

"You're dead. How are you doing this?"

"We did this dance last night, Sam…"

"No, really, how are you doing this?" Sam was starting to get angry now, hands fisted and his whole body feeling tight and strung, because if this wasn't one of Lucifer's disgustingly real illusions or Sam's dream creations, then Gabriel was alive and Sam was so mad about being put through that grief and loss for another of Gabriel's games.

"Woah," Gabriel held up his now empty hands. "Easy there. Death is not my friend right now. Last thing I need is to see his face again, if you can call it a face."

That changed the words Sam was going to hurl at Gabriel. "You've seen Death?"

"Oh, now you want to listen," Gabriel smirked, looking entirely pleased with himself. "Not because of my scintillating personality or killer good looks. Disappointing, Sammy. You only want me for my awesome knowledge."

Sam gritted his teeth, emotions soaring up inside of him to deny Gabriel's words. He really hoped that Gabriel couldn't read his mind inside his own head. Maybe because it was his dream, he could stop that.

Gabriel pouted. "You're no fun."

"Death, Gabriel, you've talked to Death?"

"If you call it talking. He and Dad are old buddies. Never came up to Heaven, but man, could they put away the pizza and beer when they were down here," Gabriel sounded nostalgic, his eyes brightening. Sam resisted the urge to reach out to him, heart pounding.

"So where can we find him?"

Gabriel laughed, he sounded fond. "Oh Sammy, he finds _you, _and that's only when your number's up. And he's not exactly a Winchester fan, when you count up the call-outs. You never learned to play dead."

Punching the archangel would not help, Sam reminded himself, it wouldn't help at all. He took a deep breath, about to speak. But Gabriel beat him to it.

"You have no idea…" He reached and stroked Sam's face gently. Sam was too shocked to stop him, the touch setting off warm vibrating sensations. "Don't tell your brother, but I owe you."

Sam's mouth closed. His thoughts were about as steady as pinballs. Gabriel did this to him - unsettling everything, making him shoot straight from mad to breathless and wanting. The wanting wasn't new any more.

"Everything's clearer in here," Gabriel mused, his eyes pinning Sam with some kind of hidden meaning. "The slip-slide of dreaming. Gotta admire that kind of construct."

Then his hand fell away and he smirked. "I'll be back."

Sam woke up with a candy bar wrapper trapped under his elbow. He stared it for a full five minutes. Then he folded it carefully into the book he was reading. It smelled like Gabriel.

* * *

They'd been chasing Death for nearly a month. Sam was almost sure Gabriel had been right. The archangel reminded him of this every time he dropped into Sam's dreams. Apparently there was a victory dance coming his way when he and Dean finally gave up.

Dean didn't know about Gabriel's visits. Sam didn't really want to tell him. It felt...private, not surprising since it took place inside his head. He didn't want to share it, didn't want to hear Ruby's name thrown at him again. He wanted to hold on to what he had of Gabriel.

He still didn't know absolutely that he wasn't being played by Lucifer. He wanted to have faith again in what he saw. He wanted a lot.

That night, he dreamed of lying on a bed. It was completely disorientating. He was certain he'd never been in this hotel room before. The bed was queen size, and was soft and comforting. A hand stroked through his hair.

"Turn that frown upside down."

Gabriel's voice was soft, almost empty of mocking. His expression matched. Sam wanted to stretch out, to bury himself in it all. Gabriel raised his eyebrows in clear question.

Sam shook his head, yearning making him ache. This had to be the most inappropriate unbelievable crush ever. If it was just that any more.

"I don't trust...I don't have the right, Gabriel."

"I wouldn't be here if you didn't," Gabriel laughed at Sam's furrowed expression. "You're making things too complicated, Sammy. I'm here because you want me to be."

"So I'm making this happen. You're not real."

"Now that all depends on your perception of reality," Gabriel sounded smug. "I haven't got a body outside of this head space, not yet."

Something stuttered in Sam's throat. Yet? _Death wasn't just an ending_.

"Tell Cas not to throw that DVD out."

Sam frowned, shadows moving across his face. "We haven't seen Cas for a while. He…"

"Drew blood and banished himself, I know. He still isn't back?" Gabriel shook his head. "Your brother must be spectacular fun."

Sam closed his eyes. Dean had been in a bitch of a mood the past couple of days. They hadn't been able to say a civil word to each other. They needed Cas.

A kiss lingered on his forehead. Sam's eyes snapped open. Gabriel's smile was too good to look at.

"We have got to tune that noggin of yours." Gabriel petted him fondly. "Sleep on, Samo."

Less than a week later, Castiel reappeared in their motel room, bloodied and half-naked. Dean bitched about paying extra to clean bloodstains out of the bedding. But Sam felt some weight released from inside him and watched out of half-lidded eyes as Dean cared for Castiel, muttering his version of endearments, running a hand through Cas's hair, keeping guard while he slept, like he was worried Cas would vanish again.

When Sam prayed, he thanked Gabriel. He prayed.

* * *

It was the next weekend that Sam remembered to ask Castiel about a DVD. Castiel pulled a bright case – more porn, that figured - from inside his coat and handed it over to Sam.

"Gabriel said this was important," the angel stated. "I am sorry he never told me why."

"He said…."

Sam halted. Castiel looked at him with interest. Dean folded his arms, clearly a second away from reaming Sam out for more secret keeping. Sam looked down at the DVD's stupid innuendo title, and took a breath. Speaking it aloud would make it feel real. Even if just for a moment.

"I keep having these dreams," he started. "About Gabriel. I don't think he's dead."

"Sam, Lucifer wasn't gonna let him walk out….."

"I know he died there. I mean, I think he can come back. He said Cas had this DVD."

"Archangels are composed of a great deal of power," Castiel mused thoughtfully. "And from what you have told me, Gabriel is skilled in avoiding his own demise."

Sam's fingers clenched around the DVD. He buried it in his bag with the first one. He stretched out on the Impala's backseat, letting Cas sit up front. His hand rested on the cheap shiny plastic cases wrapped in his own scent. It felt like comfort.

* * *

The really twisted thing was that Sam felt he was getting to know Gabriel better now that he was dead. Because his life could never be conventional or even make sense. It was a sickening cliché; not knowing what you've got – or haven't got – until it's gone. It didn't make it any less true.

The truth was that Sam had become kind of fascinated by Gabriel. He'd started researching him once the truth had come out, because an archangel and a Trickster both, really? That was pretty incredible. Now it was like the gaps were being filled in, and Gabriel was becoming three-dimensional and whole and something more. Sometimes Sam felt like his whole life had been made up of dangerous choices and secrets.

And it wasn't like he was blind to the similarities, Sam knew all about wanting to get away from family and choosing a totally opposite lifestyle and what felt like freedom. He felt connected. Understood. And more than that.

He didn't want to lose Gabriel again.

* * *

"Almost there now, Sammy."

Sam found himself in a train carriage. It was luxurious, old-fashioned, and empty, apart from Sam and Gabriel. The whole thing rocked gently from side to side. Sam's head was resting in Gabriel's lap. He didn't want to move.

"I've got the DVD." His tongue felt thick and heavy in his mouth.

"I know," Gabriel murmured, stroking a hand down Sam's neck. "I'll be there before you know it."

"What does it do?"

"Always have a Plan B, Sam. Those DVDs are like a key and lock, charged with enough of my Grace to anchor me so I can recreate the body you know and love. Then just gotta call the rest of me in there."

_Know and love._ Sam blinked hard. He slid his hand cautiously into Gabriel's.

"I really want to believe this," his words were shaky.

"Gotta have more faith in me, Sammy. I'm surprised at you," Gabriel smiled down at him.

The white noise sparked and Sam winced. Strong fingers massaged his temples. "You have no idea how loud you called to me. You were screaming," Gabriel said softly, almost wonderingly.

"Where are you?" Sam managed to say, drowsiness running over him in waves. Could you sleep in a dream?

"Everywhere, nowhere, any place in between." Gabriel didn't even sound like he was joking. "Heaven hasn't got an open door policy."

Sam pulled Gabriel's captured hand in to press against his mouth. He thought he heard Gabriel's breathing change. That was good, Sam decided sleepily, getting to turn the tables on him. He wanted to stay here for a while. It felt comfortable and safe.

He thought he heard Gabriel singing.

* * *

Sam started buying candy – chocolate, a packet of red vines, caramels. He didn't eat most of it. It was like a dam had opened. Soon he was loaded down with cheesy action and kung-fu movies, trashy UFO tabloids, comics, peppermint sticks, jazz CDs, cake mixes. He needed an extra bag.

"What the hell?" Dean looked at him strangely. "Since when do you have a sweet tooth?"

Sam paused, words building up behind his teeth. He wasn't sure he could get them out in the right order, in a way that Dean would understand or accept. This wasn't for Sam, it never had been. His subconscious was taking on a life of its own.

"He will appreciate your efforts, Sam," Castiel spoke up from near the window.

Sam let out a breath that he hadn't been aware he'd been holding.

Alien bobble-heads, dried alligator skin, the latest _Friday the 13__t_h remake.

Dean started teasing him about pining. Sam asked if Dean and Cas needed a room to themselves. It had a familiar soothing rhythm. Sam fell into it gratefully.

That night, Sam's dreams took him to a beach. As perfect as a postcard – deserted and warm, like an offer of a permanent vacation. Gabriel was wearing shorts that reached his knees and an eye-wateringly loud shirt, sunglasses dangling from the collar. Sam felt a rush of everything that had been building up, curling his toes.

Gabriel looked at him with his eyebrows raised. _Well, what are you gonna do about it?_ As though it was up to Sam. That he was giving Sam a choice.

The need and want flared hard, everything snapped. Sam jerked Gabriel in close for a long desperate hopeful kiss, like water at the end of a long drought, all his anger and grief and gratitude and emotion pouring into it unchecked. Gabriel responded immediately, twining himself around Sam, groaning in the back of his throat, matching him thirst for thirst. Sam didn't want to stop.

"Book a separate room," Gabriel panted out, sliding his lips to Sam's ear.

Sam's skin felt on fire. He needed more. The white noise was reaching a crescendo. Gabriel ran a hand through his hair and the noise fell to a different softer pitch.

"The things I'm gonna do to you…." He grinned, his eyes dark. "Get all the sleep you can."

"You're not helping."

Gabriel laughed, low and promising. Sam could taste ice cream in his mouth when he woke and his eyes felt gritty with sand.

* * *

The ritual was surprisingly low-key. In an abandoned house, recently exorcised, Castiel fitted the DVD discs together, Dean drew a series of Enochian symbols on the floor, and Sam chanted something complicated in Latin and then Enochian until a certain point when Cas joined in with a different sequence of words. Everything had to be timed carefully.

Then the holy oil caught fire, and there was a blinding flash of incandescent light and a really familiar voice.

"Hallelujah, boys!"

Gabriel was wearing his outfit from Sam's first dream, right down to the tennis shoes. He grinned widely, turning to Castiel.

"Nice job with the DVDs, bro. Good to know you can use porn properly."

Castiel turned pink. Dean looked interested, then remembered to glare at Gabriel. Gabriel grinned back. "So, I assume there's tests before the welcome back fiesta?"

That part they'd all agreed on, voiced most loudly by Dean. At Castiel's instruction, Gabriel drank holy water, cut his arm with a silver blade, crossed salt lines, and endured a dozen different incantations until Castiel and by extension Dean were satisfied. Sam couldn't take his eyes off him.

"I'm sorry, are you done?" Gabriel laid the sarcasm on thick. "Because I've got plans for your brother."

Sam had a million thoughts shooting through his head as the fire was doused. The primary one involved Gabriel wearing a lot less clothing and Sam making a personal inspection of his body. Making his choice. Gabriel grinned wickedly.

"Music to my ears, Sammy."

He snapped his fingers and Sam found himself in a large motel room, his bags stacked on the floor. Gabriel appeared in front of him, smirking, and grabbed Sam's shirt.

"This is gonna be a bumpy ride, Sammy. You ready?"

Sam grinned back, his heart thumping loudly, and tugged Gabriel against his chest securely. His life was nothing if not unpredictable. Right now, that was a point in its favour. "You owe me, remember?"

A fingersnap later, their clothes had vanished and Sam found himself manhandled onto the big soft bed. Gabriel didn't waste any time. He sucked a mark onto Sam's thigh and worked his way up Sam's body. The white noise was decreasing and as Gabriel sealed their lips together, Sam's head peaked into clarity. He jolted with surprise.

"Got you all revved up," Gabriel grinned smugly. "And tuned just right."

"It was..._ah._...because of you?"

"When you called me, and I got into your dreams, your brain couldn't exactly work it all out," Gabriel nibbled at his collarbone. "Too much angel for you to handle."

Sam pressed him closer. He didn't want to think anymore.

* * *

Gabriel's kisses tasted like red vines. That and the fact that he was sprawling completely naked was making it virtually impossible for Sam to actually get out of bed. Bobby had warned them he had some urgent cases that needed seeing to, and that they weren't going to solve themselves. But Gabriel grinned, running a foot up Sam's leg. Sam shivered. He didn't want to let go again.

"Vacation day, Sammy," Gabriel's voice was low and tempting. "The monsters'll still be under the bed tomorrow."

"Dean..."

"Is enjoying some quality time with my brother," Gabriel looked at the ceiling for a second. "Yep, there's enjoyment going on there. And some impressive flexibility."

Sam bit at his neck in retaliation. There were comics and tabloids scattered over the floor and bed. Gabriel had promptly and enthusiastically jumped him after he'd discovered the bag was for him and what was in it. The look in his eyes had been bright and impossible.

"So Team Free Will…." Gabriel mused thoughtfully, hands already beginning to claim Sam's body again. "Do we get matching t-shirts?"

Sam snorted; he could just see Dean's reaction to that. "Forget it."

"Well, you're no fun at all."

Sam rolled Gabriel under him in response, possessive and hungry and aching all over. He already had an impressive collection of bruises and bite marks from just one night. He was pretty sure he wasn't going to be able to walk straight tomorrow. Dean was going to be furious.

Sam's head was full of silence, and, a lot of the time, Gabriel was there too. Gabriel gazed at him and licked his lips. Sam pressed his fingers against Gabriel's mouth, revelling in the heat. This was real. It had to be.

"Right here, Sammy," Gabriel's words pulled him back, his eyes golden and intense and…something softer.

Sam reached and dived back in.

_- the end_


End file.
